“The light at the end of a very long tunnel”
A story of hope and determination
Exactly four months and three weeks ago I was dumped. I had been in a relationship for 1.5 years. The breakup shattered my world. At first, I remember it felt like the ground had collapsed beneath my feet; and for the first time in my life, I was completely lost.
Never had I felt this way before. It was as if the sun in my world had disappeared. My life had lost all color to it. Any passion that I once had for life was now gone.
I felt as if I would never love again, that I had lost that perfect someone.
Never had I felt this way before. It was as if the sun in my world had disappeared. My life had lost all color to it. Any passion that I once had for life was now gone.
I felt as if I would never love again, that I had lost that perfect someone.
Suicide looked like a better alternative than enduring this pain.
Your probably wondering why I am telling you this. One simple reason: I survived! When I was experiencing the early stages of my breakup, I remember really wishing to hear from ‘survivors’ who had endured the uphill battle of a breakup recovery. Is this a success story? Well, the smile on my face lately tells me it is. I want to use my experience as an example for those of you who are experiencing the grief of a breakup for the first time. I want to let you know that yes, you can be happy without ur ex, and that yes, one day you will smile again…
You’re probably asking yourself how long these feelings will last, beating yourself up for things you said or didn’t say, or wondering if your ex is going to call and sweep you back into his or her arms. I dreamt about this every night. I know. I’ve been there. These dreams only make you feel more miserable.
But people break up. It’s part of life. It happened to me, it happens to everybody. Somebody was not happy in the relationship and needed to get out. YOU CAN’T SEE IT NOW, I know, but this horrible ordeal will not continue for the rest of your life. You will survive because the body has a natural defensive mode that lets you heal even if you consciously don’t feel like it.
I’m going to tell you something that I hated to hear from others, but sadly it’s true: "In time, you will get through this." It won’t happen tonight, or tomorrow for that matter. But, eventually it will pass by. When I went to work, she was on my mind constantly. Then as the months went by, the thoughts became less frequent, until one day, at the end of my shift, I was amazed to notice that she had not entered my mind once. I had a dizzying new freedom!
But I’m not going to lie to you – it was incredibly hard. Picking up the pieces after a broken relationship is a challenge. To me, it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. But, you know what, I’m actually glad it happened. In the past months, I have learnt more about myself than I could have ever imagined. I now know that I can be happy with or without someone; that I have the skills to survive a breakup. I have learnt so many essential things about me, what I want, and more interestingly, how to approach a relationship.
Your probably wondering why I am telling you this. One simple reason: I survived! When I was experiencing the early stages of my breakup, I remember really wishing to hear from ‘survivors’ who had endured the uphill battle of a breakup recovery. Is this a success story? Well, the smile on my face lately tells me it is. I want to use my experience as an example for those of you who are experiencing the grief of a breakup for the first time. I want to let you know that yes, you can be happy without ur ex, and that yes, one day you will smile again…
You’re probably asking yourself how long these feelings will last, beating yourself up for things you said or didn’t say, or wondering if your ex is going to call and sweep you back into his or her arms. I dreamt about this every night. I know. I’ve been there. These dreams only make you feel more miserable.
But people break up. It’s part of life. It happened to me, it happens to everybody. Somebody was not happy in the relationship and needed to get out. YOU CAN’T SEE IT NOW, I know, but this horrible ordeal will not continue for the rest of your life. You will survive because the body has a natural defensive mode that lets you heal even if you consciously don’t feel like it.
I’m going to tell you something that I hated to hear from others, but sadly it’s true: "In time, you will get through this." It won’t happen tonight, or tomorrow for that matter. But, eventually it will pass by. When I went to work, she was on my mind constantly. Then as the months went by, the thoughts became less frequent, until one day, at the end of my shift, I was amazed to notice that she had not entered my mind once. I had a dizzying new freedom!
But I’m not going to lie to you – it was incredibly hard. Picking up the pieces after a broken relationship is a challenge. To me, it was the most difficult thing I have ever done. But, you know what, I’m actually glad it happened. In the past months, I have learnt more about myself than I could have ever imagined. I now know that I can be happy with or without someone; that I have the skills to survive a breakup. I have learnt so many essential things about me, what I want, and more interestingly, how to approach a relationship.
Alcohol does not help: trust me, getting drunk is the worst thing you can do! It’s pathetic. It made me over sensitive and vulnerable. When I drank it made things worse. The best thing to do is stay in control.
Give your social life a kick! Now that you are single again, a world of new opportunities opens up. The worst thing to do is to isolate yourself.
Rebound relationships don’t work. It might fill a gap, but for me, it only made matters worse. The best alternative in a break up situation is to have a relationship-free life for a while. Take time to digest what happened and spend time discovering things about yourself. You can play, have fun, share some kisses and intimacy and still not lose or abandon yourself in a new connection. I found that validation from other woman was one of the most effective tools to getting my power back.
Stay healthy, and feel good about yourself. I went for long, fast, runs until I felt physically exhausted enough to sleep and until I felt fit and in shape. I started going to the gym; I put on almost 10kg of body weight!!! I bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes, and really worked on my self appearance.
Furthermore, don’t let the breakup impact on your effectiveness at work. Take control of your life, and the things which are important to you. I almost failed a subject at uni. Don’t let the breakup turn into a big life mistake. It does require more concentration and hard work, but in the end, it’s worth it.
When I broke up, the main question in my mind was: “Why?”. The relationship was simply not giving my ex what she wanted; so she decided to move on and find it somewhere else. I’ve learnt that the main skill to keep relationships going is to never get too comfortable. You must consciously go beyond the limits of your comfort zone; too much security kills the magic and spontaneity that is essential to a relationship. You should never stop making you partner fall in love with you – it’s all about thrill, excitement, challenge, and romance etc.
Also, never be needy or demanding – as this is a massive turnoff; I have learnt this first hand. If your partner wants a break – give them a break, give them space, and don’t be clingy and over emotional.
To make things easier remove traces of his or her presence in your physical environment. You don’t need to throw them away; one day you’ll want to look back on all your memories, and when this happens, your ex will just be a blip on the radar screen.
Just trust me, I know it’s hard, but things will work out.
The past months have been brilliant – better than I could have imagined. Here’s what I have done:
I stopped drinking the exorbitant levels of alcohol that I used to. I find it so much better to have just a few drinks – this way I’m always in control, but I can still have fun!
I got my butt into gym, and now, I feel and look better than I have ever felt before!
Me and my brother moved into an apartment – which has opened the door to a whole new world of independence and responsibility.
I have learnt to cook.
I have made it a priority to perform 100% at uni, and next semester I’m planning to redeem my grade average by getting the highest grades I’ve ever achieved!
Not only have I changed emotionally, but I’ve changed physically – and as a result I feel like a new person!
I joined the wonderful world of myspace, and I have met so many new people, who have already given me so much support!!!
But most importantly,
I let my ex go. That was the hardest part. No doubt about it.
To everyone struggling who was in my situation, in the early stages of the break up or a few months down the road, I know it seems like your life is over. You can feel the weight of the situation on your shoulders. Believe me, I didn’t think I was a strong person when it happened to me. You will get through this. Have faith in yourself. Believe!
I would like to thank my mates, especially Chris and Bede, who helped me through it all. Thanks boys. I love you.
But most of all, I want to thank the author of an ebook called “How To Get Over a Broken Heart”. This is what really opened my eyes. In times when I felt so low, I could read this book, and it would uplift my spirit in the most liberating way. It showed me that it’s possible to find the light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to use the right mindset, and apply the right strategies. For those of you out there who are reading this, and who are now in the situation that I was, getting this ebook is the best thing you could do! It’s the kind of book that everyone should read during a break-up. It’s writing style is engaging, accessible and to the point. So if your really struggling, I would recommend it, it’s only cheap, so don’t worry; here’s the link: http://au.geocities.com/brokenheart
Give your social life a kick! Now that you are single again, a world of new opportunities opens up. The worst thing to do is to isolate yourself.
Rebound relationships don’t work. It might fill a gap, but for me, it only made matters worse. The best alternative in a break up situation is to have a relationship-free life for a while. Take time to digest what happened and spend time discovering things about yourself. You can play, have fun, share some kisses and intimacy and still not lose or abandon yourself in a new connection. I found that validation from other woman was one of the most effective tools to getting my power back.
Stay healthy, and feel good about yourself. I went for long, fast, runs until I felt physically exhausted enough to sleep and until I felt fit and in shape. I started going to the gym; I put on almost 10kg of body weight!!! I bought a whole new wardrobe of clothes, and really worked on my self appearance.
Furthermore, don’t let the breakup impact on your effectiveness at work. Take control of your life, and the things which are important to you. I almost failed a subject at uni. Don’t let the breakup turn into a big life mistake. It does require more concentration and hard work, but in the end, it’s worth it.
When I broke up, the main question in my mind was: “Why?”. The relationship was simply not giving my ex what she wanted; so she decided to move on and find it somewhere else. I’ve learnt that the main skill to keep relationships going is to never get too comfortable. You must consciously go beyond the limits of your comfort zone; too much security kills the magic and spontaneity that is essential to a relationship. You should never stop making you partner fall in love with you – it’s all about thrill, excitement, challenge, and romance etc.
Also, never be needy or demanding – as this is a massive turnoff; I have learnt this first hand. If your partner wants a break – give them a break, give them space, and don’t be clingy and over emotional.
To make things easier remove traces of his or her presence in your physical environment. You don’t need to throw them away; one day you’ll want to look back on all your memories, and when this happens, your ex will just be a blip on the radar screen.
Just trust me, I know it’s hard, but things will work out.
The past months have been brilliant – better than I could have imagined. Here’s what I have done:
I stopped drinking the exorbitant levels of alcohol that I used to. I find it so much better to have just a few drinks – this way I’m always in control, but I can still have fun!
I got my butt into gym, and now, I feel and look better than I have ever felt before!
Me and my brother moved into an apartment – which has opened the door to a whole new world of independence and responsibility.
I have learnt to cook.
I have made it a priority to perform 100% at uni, and next semester I’m planning to redeem my grade average by getting the highest grades I’ve ever achieved!
Not only have I changed emotionally, but I’ve changed physically – and as a result I feel like a new person!
I joined the wonderful world of myspace, and I have met so many new people, who have already given me so much support!!!
But most importantly,
I let my ex go. That was the hardest part. No doubt about it.
To everyone struggling who was in my situation, in the early stages of the break up or a few months down the road, I know it seems like your life is over. You can feel the weight of the situation on your shoulders. Believe me, I didn’t think I was a strong person when it happened to me. You will get through this. Have faith in yourself. Believe!
I would like to thank my mates, especially Chris and Bede, who helped me through it all. Thanks boys. I love you.
But most of all, I want to thank the author of an ebook called “How To Get Over a Broken Heart”. This is what really opened my eyes. In times when I felt so low, I could read this book, and it would uplift my spirit in the most liberating way. It showed me that it’s possible to find the light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to use the right mindset, and apply the right strategies. For those of you out there who are reading this, and who are now in the situation that I was, getting this ebook is the best thing you could do! It’s the kind of book that everyone should read during a break-up. It’s writing style is engaging, accessible and to the point. So if your really struggling, I would recommend it, it’s only cheap, so don’t worry; here’s the link: http://au.geocities.com/brokenheart
In the meantime, take care of yourselves, everyone, and always remember, don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened…
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